I got inspired over the past days from friends that used to be close to me in my life that are trying to walk back …to think about what are my deal breakers. I wanted to take a quick review to remind myself. I am one of those that always want to believe the best in people. I’m an I-give-everyone-a-chance-or-two-or-three-or-four-type of girl. And that isn’t always the best for my own happiness and well being. I have learned that over the years dealing with family, friends and lovers.
Deal-Breakers are so important to any living existence. They are behaviors and actions…that you simply don’t agree with. Deal-Breakers are also Integrity-Breakers, and Joy-breakers.
To say ‘yes to a deal-breaker and welcome one into your life will most like make you unhappy very fast. So it’s good to be fully aware of what they are for you.
Your Deal-Breakers might be: Infidelity, Lying, Being Disrespectful, Bad Communicator, Unhappy, Hating Their Job, Not Taking Care of Health, etc
For me besides the above mentioned I can’t stand someone who makes chewing sounds when they eat, a true deal-breaker for me, when that might not matter as much to another person. Whatever yours are, they will be specific to you and important for your life.
This leads me to Deal- Sealers which are the opposite: Loyalty, Honesty, Respect, Open Communication, Sense of Humor, Love their work, Self-Caring, etc.
You will wonder what it takes for you to become unhappy, whether you are thinking of friendship, family, love, or business relationships.
I created two list for myself and try to do the same:
- Deal-Breakers: What are the areas I wont stand for in my close relationships? Try to explain it with a sentence or two, not just one word, like “Unhappy”. For instance someone who is unhappy and has a victim mentality most of the time, keeps asking for my time and energy to hear about their negativity, and doe not seem to want to change it.
- Deal-Sealers: What is it of positive things that I want to attract in my close relationships? Again try to explain with a little story instead of “Love their work” is someone who loves what they do or is actively working toward improving their own way of working. This person feels mostly positive and inspires me to be around them.
The hard part is not to think of those already in your life when you do this. Think of en empty area and look inside yourself for a moment. With nobody in mind.
Be honest with yourself. What is it you really want and need in your life? Be vulnerable and take courage to write it down. It’s just you that you have to share it with.
Once you get clear about your Deal-Breakers, take a look at them. I will bet you that most relationships you have had didn’t work out, because one or more Deal-Breakers were present.
Take time to sit with your lists, and try to feel how it would make you feel if you would accept more of your Deal-Sealers into your life. Set proper boundaries around the Deal-Breaking people, their habits, thoughts, that break your own integrity.
Have these lists with you all the time especially meeting new people, and apply them and use them to develop a different way of dealing with existing people already in your life. Don’t be afraid to say no to family, friends, colleagues or strangers. And don’t be afraid to say yes either.
You can save a lot of wasted time, energy, and heartbreak when you set boundaries and stand your ground.